Teisoukannen ZERO: Yariman Kazoku to Hamekurui Natsuyasumi Review

Nukige November continues: today, we take a look at Teisoukannen ZERO: Yariman Kazoku to Hamekurui Natsuyasumi, or as I like to casually refer to it in the presence of my close family, “Boning Bonanza in the Heat of Summer.”

Anyway, so you know how there’s this mangaka who draws porn about really horny and morally loose girls that fuck everything with a dick? Sure you do. Well, why don’t we hire him to draw pretty pictures for a nukige? GENIUS. LITERAL GENIUS. FUCKING DO IT. That must’ve been the thought process behind the creation of Teisoukannen ZERO, a fine example of “why didn’t this happen sooner”, featuring everyone’s favorite ahegao enthusiast and yariman grandmaster, Mizuryuu Kei, as the main artist.

Now, this isn’t Mizuryuu’s first venture into the world of porn games, as vndb tells me he worked on some stuff released in 2007, but 2007 is like ancient history so whatever. Anyway, in my mind, this is basically the first game that really established him as a proper nukige artist and not just a guy that draws the kind of eromanga I personally enjoy.

Right off the bat, if you happen to be a fan of Mizuryuu’s work, you’ll likely recognize the main heroines of the game: indeed, they’re the very same Souma family whose sexual misadventures he had already illustrated in manga format. See? We’re off to a good start with this game. We’ll be among old friends right from the get-go. I’m sure they’ll give us a very warm welcome. (Spoilers: They will. And then some.)

So the protagonist is this dude called Mamoru who needs to study during the summer for some university entrance exams or something along those lines, so he moves in with this older woman, Mitsuko, and her daughters. For a while everything seems to be A-OK, until one day, Mamoru stumbles upon Mitsuko doing some cleaning in a very… sexually suggestive way. The “Oh let me just BEND OVER real quick in my tight-ass yoga pants, don’t mind me” kind of way. Anyway, one thing leads to another and Mitsuko’s mouth “accidentally” lands on Mamoru’s dick. Look, these things happen.

And then the same thing happens with all the other girls. Turns out they originally made a promise to try and act like a proper family around Mamoru, but guess what, their desire for cock was simply too strong, so that plan went down the drain, the Kraken was released and now everything smells of sweat and… other fluids.

So let’s talk about the heroines.

Sayoko, the assertive university student, helps Mamoru study and… oh? What’s this? An erect penis? Why, I better jump right on that! I actually didn’t really care for her very first ero scene all that much. Dunno why. On the other hand, she partakes in some pretty steamy 3P action later on in the game, so you certainly have something to look forward to. Her VA is Tezuka Ryouko and she’s basically the “lewd gyaru” type. Her voice has a notably mischievous tone to it to match that.

Souko, the brunette sister and the OL heroine voiced by Misonoo Mei, works the old 9-to-5 (oh wait, this is Japan, so is it 9-to-9?) at a company and then comes home, all frustrated that no one wants to bang her. Luckily for her, Mamoru is close at hand. My favorite bit with her is probably that POV blowjob scene where she’s under the sheets. Like, holy fuck, this VA sure knows how to make… sounds… with her mouth. By the way, her voice is probably the most “oneesan-like” out of the bunch, and for that reason I found her to be the cutest out of the four main girls.

Kurumi is the tsundere sister voiced by Aoba Ringo, the VA behind Kirie from the first BiMan game. You know. This one. I pretty much went “wait a second… I recognize these moans”, looked up the staff credits to make sure and what do you know, it’s her. Now, Kurumi’s ero scenes are actually among my favorites, believe it or not. Her tsundere personality works quite well in the context of porn scenes, especially when she completely loses it and enters her dosukebe mode.

Oh, and as for Mitsuko (VA: Kazuha), she’s basically the horny milf. I believe that sums it up. Her motto in life is “Hail Stranger, Would You Bang my Daughters And Me But Preferably Me First”. Her voice blends a soothing motherly tone with the seductive tone of unquenchable cocklust, so if that sounds good to you, you’ll like her.

Teisoukannen ZERO comes equipped with most of the modern bells and whistles I expect from well-made nukige these days: adjustable and constantly looping background voices/effects (moans, panting, slurping, you get the idea) and a variety of different thrusting sounds depending on how fast/hard the MC is going at it. The VAs all do a great job with them and I had no complaints on this front – they contributed greatly to enhancing the ero scene experience and generally speaking this is a feature I believe every nukige worth its salt should include.

As for what you can expect in terms of ero, well… the game is actually not that extreme. And by that, I mean that no one gets turned into a fuck-cube and no one gets semen injections into their brain. It’s “just” a bunch of nymphomaniacs having tons of sex and loving every second of it, so… basically what the title advertises. There’s nothing extremely depraved in here and it’s fairly straightforward boning for the most part. You’ll go to the beach and bang. You’ll go shopping and bang. You’ll go to a karaoke bar and bang. There’s also an orgy with all the girls and some other dudes. Where you bang. As one usually does at orgies. I’ll be honest, I feel like I wanted some of the porn scenes to be a little crazier/kinkier (and longer) with some more variety, outfits, situations, etc. but ultimately this wasn’t a deal-breaker or anything.

So I guess I can recommend this to people who enjoy Mizuryuu Kei’s art and his specific brand of slutty oneesans, since this is essentially a game built around that. It wasn’t quite as hardcore as I expected (and hoped), but maybe that’s exactly why some people will give it a chance. Or I dunno. But hey, unlike in Sisters, there’s no unnecessary mystery plot to bog things down here, just a full-on パコ-festival with ZERO shame and ZERO breaks.